i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
