well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize