before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
