Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
