No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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