its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
