At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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