Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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