So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
