What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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