You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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