you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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