if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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