Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
