from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
