we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
