Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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