Im at strip club and am horny
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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