dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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