sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
