i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
