I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
