left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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