My first STD was from a foam party
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
