I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
