your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
