my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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