yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
