i think my mom watched the whole time
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
