The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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