You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
