Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
