he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
