dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
