I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
