Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
