Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
