I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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