He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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