You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize