I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
