Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
