I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sarcasm needs its own font
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
