Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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