i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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