I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize