So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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