can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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