ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
