____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
