hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
