Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
