end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
