Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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