every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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