weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
