How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
