did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize