how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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