god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
