Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
