We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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