i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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