people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
