grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
