where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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