just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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