Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
