I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize