Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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