but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
