I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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