it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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