I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
