whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
