I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
