the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You may now shotgun with the bride
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
