Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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