yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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