Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
