Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
