Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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