I'm drive I can fine osifer
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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