i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
