I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
