You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
