if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
