Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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