when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
