I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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