I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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