VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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