Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
