It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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