i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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