My first STD was from a foam party
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
