Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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