If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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