she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
