Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
