At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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