Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
